Apartment Panic
by ikittykat
Summary: What happens when Matthew comes home to find an eviction notice on his and Alfred's apartment door? Hysteria of course! Rated T for mild language.


**Disclaimer(Because everyone seems to have one...Even though we're all on a fanfic site and know that we don't own all the characters or anything. Except OCs, we own those.): I of course do not own Hetalia, Matthew, Arthur, or Alfred. That is all, nya~ ^-^**

**I wrote this for a theater appreciation class and of course my teacher (and sadly none of my classmates) didn't know who the characters are. Excitingly enough though it was chosen to be preformed in class by some of my classmates! I am the director and have found out that my career does not lie there.**

**Anyways, here you all are! Enjoy~ Or don't. I don't wanna force you to do anything. **

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_Apartment Panic_

****Setting: The whole stage is an apartment living room. Centerstage is a couch, stageright is the door leading outside of the apartment, up stage left is a kitchenette complete with sink, a minimal amount of counter space, toaster, cabinets, and fridge. Stage left is a door that leads to the bedroom both men share.

**Lights Up**

****Matthew: (Enters stage right carrying a piece of paper, reads while sitting down on couch) Eviction n-notice, you have seven days to vacate the premises. Seven days! I don't... Seven days?! (Starts to pace) I gave Alfred my share of the money, and he was suppose to pay that to the landlord, but... This! (waveringly waves the piece of paper.) What did he do with the money? He hasn't been buying anything that he usually doesn't. Maybe...No! He probably just lost the money. Wait! That would be even worse. (starts panicking and runs off into the bedroom letting the paper fall to the couch)

Alfred: (Enters stage right) Yo, Dude I'm home! And I totally applied for that volunteer position at the fire department! For some reason they didn't seem too thrilled to see me, but with my epic people skills I showed them it would be an awesome idea for me to join! (looks around for Matt) Dude? Eh. (shrugs and looks down at the couch) What's this? (picks it up) Eviction notice, you have seven days to vacate the premises. According to state law we have the right to evict... This is not cool at all. Why would Arthur do something like this?! I know he's not crazy about me but I thought we had an understanding.  
(There's a knock on stage right, Alfred crosses stage right and peers through the eyehole on the door then swings it open) Arthur! I was just wanting to talk to you.

Arthur: (Enters stage right) You were? Well, you must have realized your mistake by now!

Alfred: My mistake? Man, you're the one evicting me and my bro! You're the one mistaken. I've been paying you every monday. Every monday dude! So why are you evicting us?

Arthur: I keep telling you, I'm not your bloody landlord, the sorry fool. Here's the money you owe him. (Tries to hand over the money)

Alfred: Nevermind the eviction part. (Waves his hand, not paying attention at all) There's some stuff I've been wanting to tell you that needs to change about this dump. (Drags Arthur to the couch and both sit down)

Matthew: (Enters stage left) Hey, Al. I was just wondering...

Alfred: (Completely ignores Matthew) So dude, first off, that "porch" out back could fall over any second. I've actually made a hobby of watching the little termites run around on the deck, and "why do I do that?" you might wonder. I do it because this jacked up apartment complex can't get wifi! How screwed is that? I mean every freakin' place in this great United States of ours can get wifi! Except for here!

Matthew: I, uh.. Well fine then. (Walks over the kitchenette and starts going through cabinets, taking out containers and looking inside of them, then putting them back)

Arthur: (Observes Matthew and gives no indication that he heard Alfred's rant what-so-ever)

Alfred: (Waves hand in front of Arthur's face) Dude! Hello? I was talking about termites.

Arthur: Oh, yes? Wait! I keep trying to tell you-

Alfred: I know you run a sorry ass apartment complex, so that's why I'm being such a good friend and telling you what's wrong!

(A plastic bowl falls in the kitchenette)  
Matthew: Ah! (Jumps back startled, then picks up the bowl and sets it gently down on the counter while closing the cabinet door) Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Not like either of you would worry. (Looks at the refrigerator, then at Alfred, then back at the refrigerator shaking his head) Of course he would... (opens up the fridge and starts going through it) Oh gross... (pulls out a McDonalds fry cup with some stale fries) Alfred, you really should clean up sometime. (pauses a moment staring at the cup then sighs and looks inside the cup to make sure the money isn't in there, then puts it into the trashcan)

Alfred: Bro! Whatever you're doing over there is distracting the heck out of Arthur and I'm trying to have a talk with him!

Matthew: I'm just trying to find the money that you apparently lost! I mean, we are kind of being evicted.

Alfred: Anyways. The showers are always cold too. I mean I'm fine with those hot college chicks having the apartment next to us, but they take three hour long showers. Each. I kid you not, I've seriously timed it, along with how fast that porch is deteriorating.

Matthew: (Gives up looking through the fridge and walks over behind both Alfred and Arthur)

Arthur: Alfred!

Alfred: And there's also a serious leak in my bedroom. Every time it storms there are literally buckets of water draining from that ceiling. And that might be an issue for the tenants above us too. (Moments pause for comedic effect)

Matthew: Alfred.

Alfred: I also have an issue with that old guy to the right of us. He always seems to be going places, but he chooses the loudest vehicles. Like that ambulance a few days ago was torture to listen to!

Arthur and Matthew: Alfred!

Alfred: Dudes, no need to yell. What?

Arthur: Alfred, I'm not your landlord, and I never was your landlord. You just kept shoving your rent money at me and ran off before I could tell you.

Alfred: (Pauses a moment) Wait, dude! You telling me you've been stealing from me? That's not cool at all, I thought we were friends! Taking other people's money isn't right and you should know it.

Arthur: Oh sod it all! (Shoves the money into Alfred's hands and storms off stage right)

Alfred: (Looks at the money in hand) Dude, look! I totally found the money, am I awesome or what?

Matthew: (covers his face with his hand in an exasperated manner, sighing heavily)

**Lights Out**

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**There you all are! Please review and let me know what you think. Until the next random thing I decide to post, Ciao~!**


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